This semester is very different from my last 3.  Mostly because I really like every class I’m taking.  I haven’t had a semester in which I was engaged in EVERY class I was taking since second semester of senior year of college.  Right now I’m taking the core graduate topology course, a course on Lie Algebras and root systems, and a reading course (like an independent study) in algebraic topology.  (The last semester of college I took 3 computer science courses and 2 math courses, in case you were wondering, and I loved all 5 of those courses.)

There’s no class or time that I am not looking forward to during the week.  Every day is full of something I enjoy.  Even the times when I have a lot of work to do aren’t that bad because I enjoy all of the work and assignments I have to do.

I know next year won’t be like this, so I’m trying to soak it in and store away these feel-goods for a rainy day.  Next year (and the year after that, probably) I’ll be taking analysis again.  When I started grad school I thought once I had a GOOD course in analysis (which I didn’t have as an undergrad) that I would like it more.  But now I know that I just don’t like it and I’m just not very good at it.  I mean, I’m better at it than non-mathematicians, but that doesn’t mean much.  I know resigning myself to these negative thoughts just perpetuates more negativity, but I can’t turn it off.  And I know this closed-mindedness about a subject is something I hate, like when students justify being lazy in class by saying “I just can’t do math and I’ve never been good at it so I give up.”  And honestly, when the next fall semester starts, I’ll try to be positive about the classes I’ll be taking.  I’ll convince myself it’s a clean slate and a fresh start and all that jazz.  But I’m glad to have a semester off from analysis for now.

I’ve been having conflicting thoughts about teaching lately.  I’ve been getting very cynical about the state of math education (again).  This is mostly coming from the class I’m grading for, though, not my own students.  I’m grading homework for a class taught by another professor that is specifically designed to prepare students close to graduating who are planning to teach high school math.  Half of their homework is education/teaching homework (“How would you help a student who didn’t understand this concept?” and “Which of these two methods of teaching the same thing to do you think would be more effective?”).  The other half is a review of basic high school math that they will be teaching, some of them within the next year or two.  The terrible errors I’m seeing from people who will be TEACHING math makes me want to scream and cry.  You shouldn’t be allowed to teach high school math if you can’t DO high school math.  The past two years I’ve been teaching the EXACT material that they are messing up to freshmen, so I’m sure that gives me a unique perspective that is causing me to feel even more frustrated with the situation.  I guess I just have to put faith in the system that unless these students study hard this semester and increase their knowledge that they’ll fail the certification exam.  But I guess I just don’t have that much faith in the American education system right now…  And let me be clear that I don’t blame the instructor that is teaching this course for his/her students’ inability to do simple math.  It’s not his/her job to re-teach senior-level math majors basic algebra and trigonometry.  And in some cases, it’s probably not even the students’ fault.  It’s probably been a few years since they learned this material (maybe even back to high school) and they could have forgotten it or not had it covered thoroughly enough the first time around.  But excuses only get you so far when your life and career, and the education of the next generation or two, are at stake.  At some point these students have to take their destiny and their education into their own hands.  That’s what college is for.  When I was a senior math major, I would NOT have been making the errors many of these students are making.  And if I didn’t remember how to do one of the problems, I would have looked it up in an old textbook or on Wikipedia and then I would have done it right.  I’m not trying to brag, I guess I just don’t understand why someone would major in something, and study something in depth for 4+ years, that they aren’t committed to doing right.

I guess it’s the students that are excelling that make it worth all this stress and worry for people who choose teaching as their career.  Where is the line between giving up on the hopeless ones and trying to inspire them to stop being so damn hopeless?

With all that said, my own students are still doing great in my algebra course.  They just took their first exam (I’m returning it today) and they did pretty well.  I would have liked the average to be 5-8 points higher, but it’s not nearly as bad as the first exam last semester.  But, the first exam last semester was the first exam I had EVER written – it was too long and a few of the questions were too difficult for a 50 minute time limit.  I wrote a MUCH better exam this time around.  And they’re still asking lots of good questions in class and seem to be paying attention.  Surprise, surprise: the students who are most involved in the class are the ones who scored the highest on the exam.

I’ve had to make some adjustments to my lesson plans and schedule for the semester, but I think it’s all for the best.  And now that we’re out of the hectic beginning-of-the-semester, I can stick to the plan better.  Less random asides pop into my head and I can stay on task much better.  At the beginning of the semester, there are so many preliminary things to get out of the way, and so many cautions and warnings about common errors to give my students, that I inevitably forget some and then they pop into my head at random times during lectures and spontaneously pour out of my mouth and onto the chalkboard.  So, I get off topic a lot at the beginning of the semester.  (I do it in my writing too, in case you haven’t noticed.  Just look at how many parenthetical statements I have in any given blog entry!)  It’s something I know I need to work on, because that has to be ridiculously frustrating for the students.  But now there’s a comfortable routine.  That’ll last for about another month (until Spring Break), then the weather will be getting warm (well, even warmer than it already is.  It has been a beautifully mild winter here in Texas – rarely below 50 degrees!) and the summer will be close and the students will be distracted and worn out and ready to be done with the semester.  That’s always a difficult time of year for students and teachers alike (at least in my experience).  This year I’ll probably get to teach a class during a summer session.  I’ve never taught OR taken a class during a summer session before, so I’m sure that will have its own unique challenges.  I’m more worried about getting all the material in (teaching a 15 week class in 5 weeks!) than the students having the summer attitude.

Anyway, it’s been a good semester so far.  I’m only about a 3rd of the way through, though (last week was the 5th of 15 weeks of classes), so who knows what adventures, stresses, and joys await in the next few months?

In other news (I don’t think I’ve written about this yet), I bought my first ever brand new car recently!  It’s an orange Chevy Sonic.  2012 is the first model year for this car, and I bought it before they were even advertising it, so I feel pretty hip and cool and ahead of the curve, even though it’s not a ridiculously luxurious car or anything.  I haven’t even seen any on the road except my own.  I somehow worked financial magic to be able to afford the car payment and insurance on my fellowship stipend (in addition to pesky things like rent and utilities bills).  I missed having a car, being able to go wherever I want whenever I want.  I haven’t had a car since my old one broke down right before I moved to Texas in August 2010.  So, this is my first car since I moved to Texas.  I don’t HAVE to do a lot of travelling and running around here, but it’s nice to be able to run errands when it’s convenient for me, and not have to schedule them around when I can bum a ride from a friend.  I can pick up groceries and get a hair cut and do ANYTHING.  I don’t have to commute to work, so it wasn’t a necessity, but it is a nice luxury.  Plus, I’m so grateful for my old cars and how they came to me for free and I’ll never forget the generosity and kindness that was shown to me, but there is something to be said for the pride in earning something.

On a related note, I really have my heart set on a summer road trip.  I am still not sure I can afford it (especially given my recent increase in monthly bills with the car), or if I will even have time (no idea when I’ll be required to be here in town to work this summer, plus I need some dedicated study time for my second PhD qualifying exam this summer since I’m taking it in August).  But I need to visit home EVENTUALLY, and I’m hoping I’ll have the time and money to drive there in my new car.  I love road trips, and I miss my Pennsylvania friends and family.  I didn’t get to see as many friends as I’d hoped the last time I was in town because the visit was so brief.  So, maybe I’ll get to see you all soon!  Keep your whole summer open for me!  (Kidding, of course.  You have my permission to do other stuff besides wait around for me.)